


Talking Like a Jerk

by RocketRabbits



Category: Clarence (Cartoon)
Genre: Gen, Grauitious ALF references, Ig you can read this as jeff/sumo if you want?, Jeff centric, Mentions of cat eating, Reference to possible future drinking/smoking, Sumo is a good friend, Sumo pays more attention than the kids realise, Trying to figure out how their friendships work, third person present tense
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-04
Updated: 2018-10-04
Packaged: 2019-07-25 06:21:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,002
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16191848
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RocketRabbits/pseuds/RocketRabbits
Summary: Jeff is particular, sometimes blindsided by his own need for perfection. Sometime's he's a jerk about it. Sumo isn't scared to call him out.(And living proof sometimes friends are mean)





	Talking Like a Jerk

**Author's Note:**

> Hi i'm rewatching Clarence and particularly interested in Jeff and Sumo's friendship outside of Clarence's immediate influence. I wrote this in like two hours so have at it.
> 
> Takes place as of season one episode 23, if these characters have actually grown over the course of the series i havent gotten there yet

Sumo doesn't smoke, because he's ten, but he smells like it. Maybe he will, some day, like his older brothers, but he doesn't now. Jeff can't decide if the smoke scent could get stronger. Sumo doesn't drink, either, because he's ten, but sometimes he holds empty cans and pretends he does, because he wants to get comfy holding them, because he's looking forward to drinking on the boat with his dad some day. Jeff doesn't understand it, doesn't understand those kinds of traditionally manly bonding practices, but they make Sumo seem more human and less like a walking mess, so he remembers them.

Jeff remembers these things about his best friend, calls them to mind on the rare occasion he's close enough to smell him, thinks that they're important. It's just that they're not useful. 

Ryan Sumouski kissed Chelsea in fourth grade. It was gross, but he was first. 

That was unacceptable.

"You're getting all scrunchy," Sumo says, drawing Jeff back to his own living room, where he's reading and Sumo's messing with his toys. and then for emphasis, Sumo adds, "at me. What's your deal?"

"I'm not scrunchy, Sumo, I'm thinking. You should try it sometime."

Sumo tries to launch a plastic dinosaur off of three plastic spoons. "I think plenty. Look, I built this launcher."

It's a really cool catapault, Jeff admits privately. It's three spoons taped together with a string to pull and launch. "It's called a catapault," Jeff says.

"It launches. Why call it something else?"

"I'm gonna watch Jeopardy."

Sumo shrugs.

Jeff doesn't answer, flicking the television on.

"From the planet Melmac, this title TV character likes to eat cats."

"Uh," Jeff whispers, trying to beat the clock.

"What's Melmac?"

"It's-" Jeff sounds contorted. "It's dishware. What do they mean, planet?"

"Spock," Sumo says, and then goes back to his dinosaurs.

"Spock," Jeff repeats, resignedly.

"Who is ALF?" A contestant calls. She's right.

"I bet cats taste weird."

Jeff scribbles down the right answer on his note sheet kind of angrily, tearing the paper. He gets a few right, and he marks those down, clear and clean.

"Why do you do such boring stuff after school?"

"We can play something else?"

"Why do you want to do something this lame?"

"It's calm, I guess. I like having time between school and my moms getting home. I like looking up the things I missed."

"Isn't that what school is for?"

"Who can learn anything at school? It's so loud and so much and so dirty."

Sumo doesn't agree with him, Jeff knows, loves the chance to be wild and run with it, feeds off of Clarence's energy the way the whole class seems to, but Jeff also knows Sumo would never call his peculiarities weird. That's why he likes his friends so much. They don't think he's weird.

"I guess," Sumo says, and that means "I don't agree, but I'll let you have this one."

It comes soon enough that Sumo leaves and Jeff's moms come home and he googles ALF and learns all about that stupid planet and he goes to bed, smug and smarter.

Sumo asks about the cat eating at lunch the next day, and Clarence knows all about it. "Oh, Chad watched a show once that had a orange alien thing that wanted to eat a cat? It was ELF, or something. It was kinda gross, I can't eat a cat."

Sumo says he probably could, if someone offered, and Jeff stops listening, overwhelmed. On one hand he's filled with affection, because of course Clarence would know. Of course he'd have seen it, of course he'd have an opinion on cat-eating. On one hand, he's absolutely furious. Clarence could have answered that Jeopardy question.

"I have to go," Jeff says, and he flees before Clarence or Sumo answer. Clarence babbles, after a moment, and maybe Sumo says, "alright alright, I'll take care of it."

Jeff's standing just outside the lunch room muttering to himself when Sumo finds him.

"Clarence is worried." He says.

"He's not," Jeff answers. "He just said 'weird', right?"

"He's not," Sumo shrugs. "I'm not either. You're mad about the show?"

"I am particular," Jeff says, out loud to a human being for the first time ever. "And I am particular about being right as often as possible." Sumo doesn't answer, so he keeps talking. "He's not supposed to know things! He's supposed to be kind and adventerous and I'm supposed to know things! There is a way," Jeff karate chops the air, short and decisive, "that things should be. And I should be better."

"Sounds like you're just a jerk," Sumo says, and he says it like he knew that already. Jeff lets his hands fall limp. He didn't know Sumo paid any attention. "You fight too much and this is stupid. Let Clarence know this. Come finish lunch."

"Okay," Jeff says, still stunned, "sure, okay."

"Jeff! You left and Sumo looked like he was going to fight something and I knew you were okay but he was worried and-"

Sumo returns to gulping his chicken thighs and Clarence's mouth is covered in crumbs and juice and this is the way things should be, maybe, Clarence talking and Sumo not looking interested and Jeff being too interested, maybe. Too caught up on being wrong.

"Hey, Clarence," he says when Sumo leaves for the bathroom, "did you know Sumo listens to us talk?"

"Um, I don't think he does, I think he mostly just likes when we do really cool fun stuff."

"We are fun," Jeff agrees, and he lets it drop there. 

Sumo doesn't smoke but he smells like he does, and he doesn't drink but he wants to bond with his dad some day. He likes making things, and destroying things, and he likes sitting by and letting things unfold only slightly less than he likes his friends getting along, Jeff guesses. It's not useful, but it's Sumo, so that's important. Plus, it's something he's sure Clarence doesn't know.


End file.
